An infinite and complete God

 

Recently, I have found myself confused at the fact that God is infinite but whole. Think of a circle, it is a complete shape, no gaps, no breaks just continuous. You cannot tell where it begins or ends, it goes on forever but it is in fact complete.

You know when something is whole or complete, it suggests it is done. But that’s the thing God isn’t done, there’s always a new side of Him to discover. There’s loads and loads that He wants to tell us, about Himself, about how He sees us and so much more. I don’t think we can get used to God, because to be quite honest even our prophets in the Bible who had served him from the womb still marvelled at His glory, I mean angels in Heaven spend eternity singing His blessings. Wouldn’t they get tired if it was the same songs over and over again? It isn’t, because God is so full of glory that eternity isn’t enough to appreciate all of it. And that’s just His gloriousness. What about His holiness? His love? His mercy? Grace, generosity, compassion, royalty, might, splendour? And lots of other traits that my human mind cannot even begin to define.

When I gave myself to Christ and made the decision to live for Him, I found myself saying I was ‘full.’ Like satisfied, but now that I think about it, I doubt that. I search for God every day, I get restless when I think (quite stupidly) that I can’t find Him or He’s not there. I seek Him out, His wisdom, comfort, guidance and just Him. There’s a desperation about it, a need from the depths of my soul, a hunger, like a burning fire that every now and then, stifles down, becoming like a tiny flame, but burning none the less. How can a satisfied person search for something to this extent?  I’m not satisfied, I hate my flesh for being so limited, for being too lazy to pray, to read the Bible, fast. Why do I deprive myself of such treasure, knowledge of the Holy of holiness?  The crazy thing, in His grace He loves this occasional lazy mess infinitely.

I used to think of myself as somewhat of a nonchalant dread-head, (I have an afro and I am a female by the way) a chill girl, just rocking with the vibes. In truth, I had just given up, I was in my Ecclesiastes era, why bother, if God doesn’t want it to come to pass, it just simply won’t. But that’s not the point, we’ll get to that another time. Now, this passionless girl asks the thunder if that God and if He’s trying to talk to her, she asks her dogs if they can see angels and if they bark because God whispered in their ear to. She looks at the flowers and wonders if God commanded them to bloom. That desperation, every morning asking yourself, “where is God today?” But that’s the paradox, there is fullness in that desperate need for more of God, there’s satiation, contentment. He has made me complete too.

How blessed I am, to be able to live this way, to have such a purpose. To live with such a fervent need for God. He has become all I desire. How patient He has been with me, to turn me into this person from one that was borderline suicidal (don’t tell my mom ha-ha). How perfect He is. My God. Oh my beautiful, beautiful God.

God is in everything, everywhere. Romans 1:18-19 says it, His invisible attributes are made visible in all creation. All of it. He is my everything, my all and so much more. He just goes on forever and ever, not limited by our human mind and our ability to understand such a phenomenon. I guess the point is, if you’re looking for a reason to live, to love, to be, or a way to satisfy that unexplainable need in you, (which by the way is actually a desire for God –Ecclesiastes 3:11-He put eternity in our hearts, He is eternity) go to God, right at the feet of the cross, you will never want to leave and one things for sure, that need will definitely be satisfied.